This morning was not easy for me. This morning was actually rather difficult for me. This morning I was irrational. To top it all off this morning I told my loving and patient husband to, "Just go to work!"
I immediately regretted my words but to be quite honest I was in no hurry to correct my wrongs with an apology. I decided to give myself a little time to think, breathe, be emotional but in the end I wasn't even really sure what I was feeling or why I was feeling it.
In retrospect, it was most likely a combination of little life frustrations and they had all come to a rapid boil this morning. I really hate when that happens.
You see, today we had planned to take a McKenzie family trip to the Omaha zoo. We were all very much looking forward to the adventure but sometimes God has other plans. If it had been just this one amendment then I could have easily changed coarse, recalculated and moved on with my day. However, this was just the last straw of many broken straws this week. I have been burning my candle at both ends and I think God was trying to tell me slow it down.
I am slowly learning that I am really not great at admitting that I need help or that I can't handle all that I have taken on. I tell myself to be flexible, not to stress, things happen, life happens, God is in control and not to feel like a failure when I don't get every last item on my to do list done. I know all this and usually I can rise above my human faults but this week brought me to my worst.
This week we were coming off of a busy holiday weekend, both kiddos were home with me, I had employer work to get done, a chamber meeting to organize, dinner guests on Thursday night, a house to clean, laundry to catch up on, a husband who deserved a little guy/golf time, yard work to do, whining children, oh and then Pastor Mary asked if I could please lead the church service on Sunday.
AHHHHHHHHHH
Little by little I became completely overwhelmed.
Don't get me wrong....I am extremely honored and grateful that God has granted me these responsibilities but with them comes some real struggles. At one point I even confessed that "I'm not sure I'm cut out for this full time mom gig."
So, I enabled by "out of office" e-mail notification, updated my voice message to "get back to you", packed up the two kids, pulled away from our messy house and drove to Hastings where I could turn off the distractions and enjoy my blessings.
We had a fabulous day at the museum. It was just what I needed.
Now to mend the damage I have done with my main man. Especially if I want him to continue to help me around here. I definitely need him for a few things.
